züri
züri
I'm in Zurich after 2? years. Or has it been 3? I don't remember.
I'm trying to talk myself into going out, but I just can't force myself to do it. Who would have thought, huh? That I'd visit this country, several times. That I'll be in this city and think about going the f out of here and as soon as possible. I'm visiting my ex-boss and he is paying for this trip, I couldn't have imagined it.
I don't feel a thing. This realization came while I was walking empty streets in the morning. This city doesn't move me. Nobody does. I'm going back in time and remembering how I was here for the first time and how I went back to Barcelona to meet A. for the second time in my life, and how this turned into several years of yearning and going back and forth trying to make A. love me and how he never came to my city and how I'm still not over all of this and I don't know if I ever will be over it and how I understood during this trip that I won't be seeing him, not during this trip, not during next trip, never, it hit me so hard, I'm so sad about it and I hate him so much and I don't want my world to revolve around him but it does revolve around him for the past 3 years, I never ever moved on. Horrible.
I should be enjoying my time here, now look what I'm doing instead - I'm writing this while crying.
I discovered a new züri, with lots of graffiti and dirty streets and sketchy characters - this züri I love. But it is so small you wouldn't notice its existence at all. Would I live here? I don't care much where I live. I just need the sun shining all the time, people smiling and interacting with each other and being able to afford a drink with friends in the nearest bar.