Yerevan: մնաց հարյուր երեսունինը օր / 139 days left

Today I watched a beautiful movie called Cinema Sabaya. I almost cried at the end. The movie is about eight women, Arab and Jewish, learning to make a documentary. As they learn, they get homework assignments, like filming their location, recording the sounds of the morning and such. Then they all watch each other's assignments together and discuss. Oddly enough the Israeli-Palestinian conflict doesn't take up the whole movie. Rather, the problems of women around the world - abusive attitudes, loneliness in family life, unrealized dreams, disobedient children - take center stage. I was particularly hurt by the story of Saudi-or rather the lack of her story. She never tells us about her life, all we learn is that she's Arab, has six kids, has a terrible husband, and really wants to get her driver's license. Something very bad happened to her at her parents' house, but she doesn't tell us what. She made a very sensual video of her filling a basin with water.

For some reason this particular video is very moving emotionally. The movie is over - I realize that I need to make a movie like this. I love movies like this, it reminded me a lot of a movie that was put together from different YouTube videos from all over the world. That's what I want to see - the lives of different people from all over the world. I really didn't want to write to A. because he didn't even read my previous posts, but I couldn't help myself. He's the only one who likes this type of movie as much as I do, so I sent him a voicemail telling him about the movie. He responded almost immediately.

He responded the way you'd respond to someone you'd only seen three times in your life. Like you'd talk to someone you don't know, like he put his hand out in front of his face and showed how far apart we could communicate. I feel bad. I'm hurt. I don't want to share anything with him. I miss the intimacy. I can't believe he didn't invite me to one concert : "it would be weird - us [meaning A., his ex, her brother & his wife] and you". That is, I should not forget my place - just some fling, a pleasant person in communication and that's all.