On not being myself
On being someone else
Sometimes I lose the realization that my life is a miracle. Sometimes something inside of me shuts down and turns on that program where I have to follow everyone else instead of myself. At such times I become a consumer instead of a creator. Because I can't create anything in such moments, I try to consume the things that will help me after this period of the “not-life” passes - I watch long-postponed movies, interviews with artists, read books.
Right now this “not-living” has been going on for what feels like months. I'm not attracted to my studies at all. I think about the fact that instead of this study I should have just been creating my artistic portfolio or getting ideas for my new projects. At first I had a lot of ideas, but for a few months now I see that it's like they've gone away and I'm not working on the old ideas, so the life doesn't feel like a miracle at all.
Every time I went outside with my camera I saw a lot of interesting scenes and photographed them. Now I very rarely go out to take photos, it's like I've stopped seeing. Am I wasting my miracle?
I just watched one of the latest movies by Woody Allen "Coup de Chance". I agree with the statement that life is a lottery win, it's a miracle, and spending it on things you don't need is such a stupid idea. Be brave and face what you want, S.