On being with people
On being with people
I'm so used to being alone that I forgot that sometimes you're not alone. I wrote it kind of stupidly, I'll try again.
I've never been not-alone. I don't know what it's like to wake up with one person, have regular sex, have breakfast together, travel together. I don't know what it's like, and I'd like to know, but not enough to be with a person I don't really want to be with.
My experience seems rather abnormal to me, atypical for people my age. I feel uncomfortable if someone wants to know about my personal life - I have nothing to tell, yes, there were some affairs, but I've never really loved anyone, and I've never been with anyone. Before, I even thought, what if there's something wrong with me? More precisely, I looked at myself from other people's point of view and thought: "Yes, she probably has some big psychological blocks and she doesn't let anyone close to her." Projections are a very important thing if you notice them.
I know who I need, at least my therapist told me so. But I also have problems with intimacy, although I have a feeling that I can work on these problems with my person.
I don’t like the idea that you need to “get therapy” before entering into a close long-term relationship with someone. This is all life, there are no people without problems, and it is impossible to work alone on the problem of relationships with people - because in the process of interacting with other people, that very understanding of what is happening in you is born. If the person is good, then you can share your problem with him and try to find a solution together. We grow through interaction with people, I repeat this to myself constantly, but it seems to me that we grow through interaction with people who are yours, who feel like part of your life.