Barcelona: dieciocho

The fact that nothing is helping is driving me crazy. I went for a run, ate a lot of sweets, started reading a very cool book - I still want to lie next to A. and touch his cheek. I don't know how to fight it. I don't want to go meet someone, because all I have in my head right now is A. And how badly I want to hang out with him some more time. I don't understand how I'm supposed to enjoy sex with someone I don't know. And the point of it at all when I know exactly who I'm supposed to be with? It's like a completely stupid vicious circle.

I want to get a tattoo in Barcelona, even though it will come out expensive. Fuck it. I don't know when I'm going back anyway. I can't believe I have to give up something I wanted so badly. It's like having food put in front of you really hungry and you just can't eat it. You just can't. And you don't touch it for three hours. You're human and you control your actions. How hard it is and how much effort it takes.

Another venture of my mother's seems to me on the one hand crazy, but on the other hand very cool, let's see what comes out of it and if anything comes out.