Barcelona: day doce

Of course I can't break off contact with A. We went to the flea market and looked at a camera for me. Then he offered not to buy it, but to lend me his camera, so we went to his studio to pick it up. His studio is in a former factory. It's where the man who created Glovo started his work. A. has a large collection of different cameras. But he only had one point-and-shoot camera, which unfortunately didn't work. We started talking about work and talked for a very long time, I shared my fears about writing and money and studies.

I feel bad when he kisses me on the cheek or gives me a hug because I know he's going out with someone else tonight. I don't tell him anything about it, but I mention my other "friend." The same kind of "friend" as the "friend" he is going out with tonight. However, I really don't want to interrupt my friendship with him, I want it to be real. So the best option for me would be to just cut off physical contact with him, but to see him and do things with him. He himself realizes, just as I do, that I've seen very little of him since I had arrived. He says he feels guilty, but he's taken a lot of work this month. In fact, I'm awfully glad I could talk to him like this and share all sorts of stories. I really missed that.

The talking with A. felt more intimate than having sex with him. I don't want to experience that again. When you are at your most vulnerable with your partner, but don't feel intimate with them.

^{intimacy comes in many forms}

I'm still without my camera. The flea market doesn't open until Saturday. Hopefully there will be a camera then.

Today I tried to run in the local park, but the ups and downs were just crazy. I was walking very slowly, let alone running. But it's a personal challenge for me.